


love in the first degree

by astralnoon



Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Day At The Beach, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling In Love, First Dates, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Hook-Up, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Self Confidence Issues, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, …ruined by rain lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:42:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29358177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralnoon/pseuds/astralnoon
Summary: Aleks never had a soulmark, but he always had someone there to remind him of that. She also convinced him that no one was ever going to love him on that level.Even after developing his soulmark and meeting his soulmate, he fears of letting down the walls that he has built up.
Relationships: Aleksandr Vitalyevich Marchant/James Richard Wilson, past Aleks/OC
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	love in the first degree

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a request for “beachside love confession in the rain” and ended up here.
> 
> This drew inspiration from the Tik Tok trend that claims that your soulmate’s initial is on your left thumb :)

_“Aleksandr,” that shrilly voice rang through his apartment, “get your ass in here.” He really wanted to stay put on his bed and not see what it was that Phoebe wanted at nearly midnight, but Aleks knows how she gets if he ignores her. Against his better judgement he walks into the kitchen, walking relatively fast to get this over with as soon as possible._

_And then he sees the slim, dark haired Latina next to Phoebe, arms entwined with each other._

_“Meet Catalina,” Phoebe beamed at Aleks, “she’s my soulmate. You know, the **very** thing that you don’t have.” Catalina shoots a confused glance at Phoebe, along with a slightly worried one at Aleks, but remains silent as her soulmate continues her verbal assault at her now-ex-boyfriend, “I bet you’re happy that I won’t be around anymore to remind you of your fated loneliness; think that me leaving you is going to free you to find your own soulmate. But just face it: you don’t have one. Have you ever heard of a 22 year old developing-“_

_“Stop; fucking stop,” it’s the only thing that he can get out of his mouth, making Phoebe cackle at him._

_“Oh honey, you know I’m right. I’ve spent the past four years trying to get that through to you, but you never listened. And now look, I found mine. And we’ve fallen in love meaning I have no use for you anymore.” Phoebe wears a smile but Aleks can recognize the malevolent look in her eyes from a mile away. With a wave and a snarkily added, “I never existed to you,” she leaves his apartment for the last time. Catalina remains, mouth agape at what just happened, and she turns to Aleks as though he could provide her with an answer_

_“I am so fucking sorry,” is all he can say to her._

~

Even after five years, the scars from that relationship still feel fresh to him. Aleks hadn’t bothered pursuing a relationship since, knowing that Phoebe had been right when she told him that no one would ever love him. He engaged in one night stands, maybe, but they remained simply that; he’d meet someone at a bar, strike up conversation, convince them to take him home, then they’d have sex and when he assumed them to have fallen asleep, he’d gather his clothes and leave into the night. These sporadic hook-ups were the only way that Aleks could at least imagine how it felt to be loved, even if it only lasted for an hour or so. 

The only thing that kept Aleks going was the J on his thumb, having formed right after graduating college. 

Even if he wasn’t worthy of love Aleks at least wanted to see _who_ his soulmate was, knowing that the universe would figure out a way to send them to him. It’s part of why he moved to Los Angeles on such a whim when he graduated, a voice at the back of his head telling him that something was awaiting him out there. While five years had come and gone with no sign of this J person, Aleks wasn’t giving in just yet; in fact it’s the same voice that told him to relocate to LA that tells him to walk to the neighborhood park when he comes home from work one evening. No one else is there when he arrives, honestly who would come to a park at nearly 8pm unless they were looking for trouble? He decides to sit for a while anyway, taking some time to look at what little remains of the sunset as it settles away in the sky, and for a second he almost feels-

“Why am I surprised that another dumbass is at this park so late?” A voice speaks from above Aleks. When he looks up he’s met with another man, looking no older than himself. 

“What’s wrong with wanting to take a walk? Just got home from work and wanted some fresh air.”

The man laughs, “what fresh air are you finding in the middle of Los Angeles?” and his laugh is almost… angelic to Aleks. It’s very wheezy and giggly, so contagious that it makes Aleks laugh back at him and then the two are sharing a small glance. 

“I guess you’re right, man. But then why are _you_ at a park so late?” 

“Uh, well…” the man’s gaze falls to the ground as he realizes he’s been cornered by Aleks. Clicking his tongue, he resorts to sitting down next to him, and Aleks is able to have a better look at him; the long, curly hair bunned up on his head reminds Aleks of the poor girl, Catalina, that was doomed to spend her life with Phoebe and he silently wonders how she’s doing… Phoebe; Aleks shouldn’t have thought of her. Phoebe. He can still hear her yelling at him at every minor slip-up he had. Phoebe. Whatever she wanted, she got it from him. Phoebe. Phoe-

“Hey dude, you ok?” The man’s voice breaks Aleks from his thoughts and he turns to him. 

“Yeah just…” he feels really comfortable around the stranger, despite having just met him, but Aleks knows better than to mention the truth of what happened to him just now, “I think I’m more tired than I thought.” The stranger doesn’t seem to buy it though, and he places an arm around Aleks. 

“How far do you live? I could walk you home, I don’t know if I’d feel ok letting you walk back home alone when you seem so out of it.” The warmth of his arm seems to radiate throughout Aleks’ entire body and he wants desperately to lean further into the touch. Nodding his head, he tells the man where he lives and they begin walking in the direction of the apartment. It’s no more than five minutes but as they walk the man’s arm never leaves it’s place around Aleks’ waist and even with the awkward small talk, it’s very pleasant to him. The man even walks Aleks up to the second floor where his apartment is located, only removing his arm when Aleks tells him they’ve arrived. 

“Fuck, thanks for that. I think I would’ve been fine but it was nice talking to you… uh…”

“James.” The man- James- smiles at him. 

“Thanks, James.” As he opens his door and begins to walk in, Aleks then remembers that James needs his name too, “Aleks, by the way.”

“Well, Aleks, if you don’t mind… I might come over and visit at some point. I think our little evening park meeting has shown that we could find a common ground somewhere.” James has such a warm smile, Aleks thinks to himself. 

“I’m home after 5pm most days, don’t work on the weekend so come by whenever.” James nods and leaves with a small wave. As Aleks closes his door and walks into his living room, all he can think of is the feeling of James’ arm around him as he walked him home; in fact Aleks can still feel the ghost of sensation around his waist. His smile, so warm and friendly and combined with his laugh? If it could be bottled up, Aleks would never be sober from it. 

A shock suddenly rolls through him when the realization hits him. 

James. 

_James._

_**J** ames._

“Not a fucking chance,” Aleks says aloud to himself, “it’s just a coincidence. This perfect stranger can’t be my soulmate, and even if he were? He’s not gonna love me.” His eyes immediately burn with tears, ashamed that the thought even crossed his mind; who in their right mind would even want to date him, let alone even acknowledge his existence beyond being an acquaintance? Walking over to the fridge, Aleks grabs at a beer before putting it back and instead going over to one of the cabinets and taking out a fresh bottle of a harder liquor, walking up to his bedroom and closing the door behind him. 

If he’s lucky, he’ll forget that he ever thought of James being his soulmate. Sweet, gorgeous James deserves better than him. 

~

Waking up the next morning, Aleks has one of the worst headaches he’s ever experienced. He’s not sure how he’s able to make himself get up and go in the bathroom so he can expel last night and then into the shower to fully wake up but as the colder than necessary water runs over him, his mind goes back to James. What if James truly _is_ his soulmate? He would feel so bad for him. Poor James, getting stuck with a depressed, unlovable sack of shit as his soulmate; but at least he’s not like Catalina, stuck with a manipulative, abusive sack of shit. Aleks immediately stops thinking about it when his mind threatens to wander back to her, putting his focus on the cold water running down his body instead. He’s not sure how long he stands in the shower but when he hears the knock at his front door, he groans and hastily wraps a towel around himself and goes to answer it. 

His heart nearly stops when he gets greeted by James. 

“Good morning,” James smiles, seemingly unphased by Aleks’ lack of proper clothing, “I just wanted to come check on you.”

“Uh, yeah I’m…” now words are failing him. He just met this guy yesterday, and now he’s almost bare naked in front of him.

“Still feeling a bit rough, huh?” 

“It didn’t help that I proceeded to drink myself unconscious when you dropped me off yesterday,” Aleks laughs at the statement but James isn’t even smiling. 

“Ok yeah, I think I'm gonna invite myself in for a bit.” James gently pushes past him and sits down at the kitchen bar, “perhaps you should go get dressed, huh? Don’t wanna get cold.” Aleks wants to ask him why he’s insisted on staying over for a while, but he instead chooses to do as James suggests. As he reaches into his closet Aleks suddenly finds himself feeling very self conscious to be seen by James, despite having been so bare near him just now, so he deliberately grabs for the loosest fitting shirt and jeans that he owns, even that not helping to make him feel covered enough so he then throws a hoodie on over it all, finally feeling secure enough to walk back out into the kitchen and face James. James looks at him for a bit, probably wondering why Aleks has put on so many layers, but he doesn’t question it and instead invites Aleks to sit next to him at the bar. 

“I’m fine, really. You don’t have to stay with me if you don’t want to,” deep down, Aleks is actually glad that James came in but he’s not about to tell him that, “I told you yesterday, I was just tired from work.”

“The look you had in your eyes suggested you were thinking something much different than ‘tired’. And what part of being tired suggests getting wasted?” James gives him a look of concern, “I know we just met but I’ve already found myself caring about you for some reason…” as he trails off he appears to look at his thumb; _what if he has an A there?_ Much to Aleks’ dismay, words are failing him as he tries to think of a legitimate sounding excuse. 

“Have you… ever felt unlovable?” He sounds absolutely pathetic as the words leave his mouth, and from the look of pity James gives him he must look pathetic too. 

“Yeah. Throughout high school, I was a social outcast because I never developed my soulmark. For whatever reason no one wanted anything to do with a kid that didn’t have a soulmate, it wasn’t until I graduated that it finally came in. It took forever to overcome it but finally, I realized that it wasn’t my fault that I received that kind of treatment, nor did I deserve it.” Aleks’ eyes burn yet again when James speaks the last sentence; _it wasn’t my fault._

“I developed my soulmark late as well. Although for me it was at the end of college…” he almost adds on about Phoebe but decides that it’s still much too soon. 

“Glad I’m not alone there, then; but I can’t imagine if I had to wait four years longer than I already did.” Both men sit in silence for a while after that. While Aleks feels a bit better knowing that James had a similar experience to him on developing his soulmark later in life, he didn’t have to deal with the evilest bitch known to man to constantly remind him of it. Phoebe was long gone but she had effectively warped Aleks’ perception of love and while he wants to tell James about it, even if to just get it off of his chest-

“Well then, what's your initial?” Aleks nearly falls off of the stool he’s sitting on when James suddenly asks the question, “since we both developed so late in life, you never know huh?” _So I’m just a joke to him too, huh?_

Very hesitantly, Aleks moves his left hand forward, balling it up to where the thumb is the main focus and James looks very carefully at the J on it, taking it in. When Aleks looks at his face, a wide smile has formed on it and for some reason it makes him feel embarrassed. 

“Holy shit…” James quietly says as he extends his own hand forward to show his thumb. When Aleks looks at it, it feels like his world has just stuttered to a stop. 

As clear as day, an A sits engraved on James’ thumb. 

“I guess that’s why I felt such a strong level of care for you when I met you yesterday. Or why my mind was telling me to walk to that park at such an odd time,” James places his hand on top of Aleks’, who feels that strong warmth radiate through him again. His mind screams at him to pull his hand away but he can’t bring himself to move it from the warmth, still such an unfamiliar feeling to Aleks. If that wasn’t bad enough, the anxiety swiftly building up in his chest is telling him that James needs to leave _right now_ and so he throws out the first excuse he can think of. 

“Uh, I hate to run you off when we’ve just realized this but… I have an appointment in an hour and I need to get ready for that.”

“Oh, yeah, I don’t want to keep you from that,” James doesn’t seem to question it too much and after giving Aleks’ hand a slight squeeze he stands up and makes his way to the door, “I can come back by later so we sort this out, yeah?”

_You don’t deserve to get stuck with me; you should leave and never come back to avoid that._

“Uh, yeah. Sure,” Aleks fakes a smile at James, who returns it with a genuine one, and he walks out. Why did James have to be such a beautiful person in and out? And more importantly, why did the universe pair him with _Aleks_ of all people? Every emotion that Aleks had been bottling up spills out of him at once, collapsing onto the bar as he cries over the situation he’s gotten into:

He finally, _finally_ , found his soulmate… but his stupid past insecurities are keeping him from wanting to get to know him. Maybe Phoebe was right, Aleks didn’t have a soulmate and this entire thing was a fluke; it was just a coincidence that he had a J shaped line on his thumb, and especially that he had met a J-name that cared for him. 

When Aleks moves one of his arms over a bit, it hits a piece of paper that hadn’t been there before. Sitting up to look at it, there's a phone number written on it and James’ name is next to it. Aleks almost throws it away, but he convinces himself to give it a second thought; finally he takes out his phone to add James into his contacts. 

_Not like I’ll be speaking to him again anyway. He’ll be better off if he stays away from my pathetic ass._

~

Or so he had thought. 

Aleks makes it one week with staying away from James before he gives in to the voice in his head telling him to reach out to him again. Sending James a text with his name, Aleks begins to silently panic when he doesn’t see a response after several minutes; he should have known better. He should have known better than to think that James would want anything to do with him, just as he had suspected James was turned off by him entirely-

Suddenly, his phone rings; and it’s James’ name on the screen. Aleks’ hands are shaking so badly that he nearly drops the phone as he answers the call. 

“I was wondering if I was gonna have to come back over there just to speak to you again!” James sounds so chipper as he speaks, it makes Aleks’ heart ache. 

“Yeah sorry I’ve… been busy.”

“All good, dude. Just glad you haven’t died or anything.” Once again Aleks can’t find the words to say; at least not beyond the self deprecating words that he wants to say to James, “anyway, I’ve been thinking for the past week… when you’re free do you maybe want to go out for lunch or something? Not necessarily a date but we could get to know one another better.”

 _No!_ James has to be going insane! 

“I should be free on Sunday, if that works,” _what the fuck are you doing?_

“Yeah, I can do Sunday! There’s this new place in Echo Park that just opened that I’ve been wanting to try, we can meet up there?”

“Sounds good with me. See you then?” _You shouldn’t even bother with it._

“See you then,” Aleks can hear the smile through his phone and his heart aches even more. Once James gets to know him more, he’s finally gonna see his mistake and run away; not that he could blame James for it though. 

~  
_“Give me your hand, Aleks,” Phoebe asks but rather than wait for him to do it, she forcibly grabs his hand, “see? Still no soulmark!” Dropping the hand she cackles as she then raises her own, making sure that Aleks can very clearly see the C engraved to her thumb; just another reminder that even she has no true purpose for him._

_“There’s no need for you to constantly remind me about my lack of a soulmate.”_

_“Babe, I’m just trying to make sure that you know the harsh reality-“_

_“Well I fucking know. I don’t need you to tell me everyday.” One look at Phoebe is all Aleks needs to know that he just stepped out of line._

_“Why are you snapping at me? What fucking reason do you have to be giving me such an attitude?” She keeps going but Aleks manages to tune her out, a skill that he’s grateful to have formed during this relationship. Deep down, he knows that staying with Phoebe is the worst mistake he could make but at the same time: how else will he come close to feeling what a relationship feels like?_

_…even though a good relationship shouldn’t consist of your partner treating you like literal shit. Nor should they only use you for money and emotional and sexual purposes while refusing to return the favor._

_A sudden, hard smack to the face rips Aleks from his thoughts, “you better have been listening to me.”_

_“Yeah, yeah… sorry for getting an attitude, I stepped out of line, I’m lucky that I caught you on a good day so you’re not angrier than you already are,” it’s the same mantra she would repeat to Aleks, almost as much as “you don’t have a soulmate”._

_Phoebe wickedly grins at him, “good, you did listen to me,” applying a harsh kiss to his lips, she grabs her bag and leaves the apartment without a goodbye. Only when he knows for certain that she’s gone does Aleks allow himself to curl into a ball on the couch, digging his palms deeply into his eyes to stop the tears from falling._

_He knows he deserves better than this, but where exactly is “better” and will it ever find its way to him?_

~

Sunday comes much sooner than Aleks had anticipated and he’s filled with dread when James texts him with the place and time of their date… well ok, he had said it was more of a lunch and getting-to-know-you-better, but something in Aleks yearns for it to be a date. He shakes away the thought when it crosses his mind, having to remind himself that James will be turned off when he gets to truly know him. Searching through his closet, it suddenly occurs to Aleks that he had _never_ been on a date and he begins to panic when he doesn’t know what to wear. Sitting on his bed and focusing on his breathing, he thinks of the setting of the lun- date; he looks up the location that James gave him, seeing that it’s a coffee venue and he decides that a nice t-shirt and jeans would suffice. But when he realizes that it’s a bit plain he throws a jean jacket and beanie on too, finally feeling content in how he looks. 

The venue is not far from where he lives, no more than a 10 minute drive, but as he gets closer to it Aleks feels more and more anxious; deep down he _wants_ James to be interested in him but Phoebe’s voice still lurks at the back of his mind to tell him that he needs to not get his hopes up. Walking in, Aleks looks around and initially does not see James, but as he’s about to give up and go back home he hears a voice call out his name. 

“There you are! I already found a seat at the back,” James is wearing an outfit similar to Aleks, minus the beanie and instead wearing a leather jacket, “I already ordered drinks for us, didn’t know what you wanted so I went with something that you look like you’d enjoy.” The coffee James had bought for him was a simple French vanilla but he appreciated it; getting properly seated James starts up their conversation, “so, I get the vibe that you’re not from here.”

“Well, you’re right; I was born in Russia but left when I was young. Most of my childhood was spent in Boston and then I moved to Colorado for college, after graduating is when I moved to LA.”

“Wait, holy fuck,” James looks surprised, “I’m from Pennsylvania, but I _also_ moved to Colorado for college only to move to LA when I graduated. Which college did you attend?”

“Colorado State?” James smacks his arms on the table in exasperation. 

“So you mean to tell me that we grew up in the same region of the country, moved to the same state to attend _the same college_ , and then moved to the same city after graduation, and we _just met?_ ” Aleks can’t believe him; so they’ve been _that_ close to meeting before? But then why did his soulmark take so long to come in?

“So we’ve been that fucking close this entire time? Ok wait, I moved to LA because a voice in my head was telling me that there was something out here for me; what about you?”

James sits and thinks for a bit, eyes widening at the realization, “I’ve always hated the big city lifestyle but there was _something_ about Los Angeles that was drawing me to it. Of course now I know what that _something_ was, I just wish I had found it sooner because I was this close to moving away when I found you that evening.”

“It does suck out here, doesn’t it?” Aleks chuckles. The two fall into a deeper conversation, sharing bits of information of themselves and childhood stories. James seemed so _happy_ to hear about Aleks, but he avoids speaking of _her_ , at least for now. Even when she threatens to rise into his mind and ruin the conversation, he drowns her down and fully absorbs into James as he talks about his mom, quietly hoping to one day meet the woman. For a while, Aleks forgets that he had been so scared of opening up to James. 

It feels… nice. 

“Oh my god dude, I’ve loved speaking to you but we should probably get home because I have work in the morning,” James stands up to throw their trash away, looping his arm into Aleks’ as they exit the shop. He walks Aleks over to his car and for a bit, they seem to get lost in each other’s eyes, until James shakes his head and snaps out of the trance, “sorry Aleks, but you’re… you’re really handsome.” Aleks swears he goes into cardiac arrest when the words leave James’ mouth; _he_ should be the one telling _James_ that, not the other way around! 

“No, no; you’re mistaken there.” He can feel himself wanting to curl up again, shame swiftly building up inside of him. 

“No, I don’t think I am. I have perfect vision and I can tell you right now that you’re one of the most attractive people I’ve ever seen.” Aleks is certain that he has to be bright red right now; he can’t remember ever being complimented by someone, not even a family member. And it doesn’t help that his first one is coming from his soulmate that he’s already falling for despite having known him for no more than a couple of weeks. James seems to understand how flustered it makes him, patting him on the arm and walking off to his own car. Aleks waits until James is gone to finally get into his car and drive home, once again feeling very vulnerable to him. 

Walking into his apartment, Aleks collapses against his door when he closes it, that feeling of dread cementing inside of him once again. He feels like he’s being crushed, one part of him wanting to open up and let James in, but between the seemingly endless walls  
that Phoebe caused him to put up and an overall fear of letting anyone become that close to him… he can’t see it happening any time soon, if ever. 

~

_Finally fighting his way through the crowd to reach the bar, Aleks throws himself down in the first open seat he lays eyes on. For someone with social anxiety who hates large crowds, he sure **loves** going solo bar hopping on Friday nights. Or at least he tries to tell himself that he’s just bar hopping; but Aleks knows deep down that his true intentions are **much** different here. There’s exactly two types of people who would gather at a busy bar at this time of night: people with their soulmates who want to have a good time together, and soulmateless people searching for a quick fling._

_It’s pretty easy to figure out which group Aleks aligns with._

_When Aleks first began searching for these hook-ups he learned **fast** that very few people, if anyone, would want to take a long haired dude that looks like a high school emo home with them. But by cutting his hair short and bleaching it plus finishing up the tattoo sleeves he had started in college, very soon he had soulmateless women **and** men throwing themselves at him, so often in disbelief that this **beautiful stranger** in the corner of the bar had yet to locate his soulmate. Even though he knew deep down that he wasn’t anything special, it felt nice that for a couple of hours Aleks would have someone to call him every compliment in the book… though it was only to butter him up to get him in their bed. And Aleks being Aleks, he’d fall for it every single time._

_This night in particular is no exception, sporting a fresh bleach job and a space themed tank to show off his sleeves; he’s even decided to don the Corey Hart special, knowing that people will be drawn to the man wearing sunglasses at night. Ordering a Jack and Coke, it just barely gets to Aleks for him to start drinking it when a second round is handed to him, the bartender gesturing to what Aleks could only describe as your stereotypical college frat fuckboy. The second Aleks looks at him, he’s giving him a giant grin and quickly making his way over to introduce himself._

_“Now, you can’t tell me that a pretty boy like you ain’t got no soulmate,” the man speaks in a southern drawl and Aleks is immediately hooked._

_“Well, they haven’t found their way to me yet.”_

_“Oh, sweetheart,” the man cups Aleks’ jaw, his touch-starved self wanting to melt into the touch, “that ain’t right at all. Looks like it’s up to me to show you a good time for tonight… if you’re up for it.”_

_Aleks can’t control the smirk that consumes his face. Getting a good look at the man, he can see the farmers tan as it travels up his arms and ends right at the sleeves of his own tank. He has a good bit of muscle to him as well, Aleks very easily being able to imagine how it’s gonna feel when they pin him against a wall before hoisting him up by the legs._

_Very dramatically lowering his sunglasses, Aleks gives the man a look, “give me a name and I might consider it.”_

_The man lowers his head next to Aleks’ ear, “it’s Travis; and you best remember it for when you’re screamin’ it later.” The process goes as it always does when Aleks is sizing up a possible fling: they sit and talk for a bit, getting to know one another over some drinks, all the while Aleks keeps a hand glued to their leg, starting at the knee and slowly making its way upward. Once they’re about ready to burst, they ask him if they can take him home, and it’s always a yes._

_Travis may be younger than Aleks but he’s much stronger and taller, making Aleks look like an absolute twink next to him._

_“Lucky for you, my roommate went back home for the weekend so we got the place all to ourselves,” Travis drawls in his ear in the back of the Lyft. His hand subtly strokes Aleks’ inner thigh, as to not grab the attention of the driver, and combined with the endless stream of dirty words being murmured into his ear Aleks is going to need them to arrive at this apartment **right now** or he’s about to pounce Travis. Finally the Lyft parks in front of a somewhat shifty looking complex and they exit, Travis throwing an arm around Aleks as they walk to the door. No sooner do they walk in and Travis closes the door behind them, he’s shoving Aleks against it in a rough kiss._

_“Daddy’d be real pissed if he knew I spend my free time at college bringing home pretty boys to fuck,” Travis says as he breaks the kiss, “but I ain’t able to control myself when I see you little Cali twinks.” Aleks wants to correct him and say that he’s not from Cali, but that risks killing the mood so he plays along._

_“How about we cut to the chase and you get this little Cali twink into bed before he gets tired of waiting?” He says in his best seductive tone. It works though as Travis throws Aleks over his shoulders and walks him into his bedroom, throwing him down onto his bed and then seating himself down, picking Aleks back up and sitting him down on his lap._

_“Oh baby, I’m about to show you the best time you’re ever gonna have.”_

_It’s a blur as always; Aleks will let himself get lost in the pleasure of the sex as it happens, but he knows not to get **too lost** in it. He pretends to fall asleep when they finish, but in reality he’s waiting for Travis to fall asleep so that he can make his escape. Once he can see that Travis’ breathing has evened out, Aleks gets out of the bed as gently as possible and gathers his clothes, putting them back on and making his way outside to call for another Lyft. Travis may have been coming across as a Southern farm boy, but he knew what he was doing; Aleks can barely stand straight as he waits for the ride, finally giving in and sitting on the ground until the car arrives._

_Aleks gets back to his own apartment, immediately showering to remove any remnant of Travis from his body. He used to feel a need to scrub and scrub at his skin to the point of irritation after coming home from a hook-up, but nowadays he can shower as he normally would and feel clean from it. The worst part of the post sex is the lonliness that settles upon him, a dull depression that just reminds him of his ultimate fate. It always makes him feel like shit, but Aleks cannot stop himself from seeking out a new person the next week. Aleks lifts up his hand, taking a good look at his thumb and the J that sits on it, and wonders once again if he’s ever meant to meet his supposed soulmate. They probably don’t feel a need to seek out a body to hold close every week just to feel something, a desperate attempt to feel loved._

_Or at the very least, Aleks **hopes** that they aren’t like him in that aspect._

~

James had called Aleks a couple of days later to ask if he could come by after work, of which Aleks hesitantly obliged. His mind had been playing James calling him handsome on an endless loop, still in disbelief that James sees him as such; Phoebe hadn’t necessarily called him _ugly_ , but she always told Aleks that he was “too plain looking” to ever catch anyone’s attention. Not that Aleks needed anyone to tell him that, all he needed to do was walk to the nearest mirror to see that she’s right, he’d never stand out to anyone . But even _Phoebe_ had somehow found it in her to soften the blow of that impact. 

James was just being nice; he just wanted to play nice so that Aleks would fall in love with him, and unfortunately for Aleks it was working. 

The knock at his door fills Aleks with anxiety, knowing that it could only be one person. Opening it, Aleks is caught off guard when James greets him with a hug and it takes all of his willpower to not give in and fully melt into the touch. 

He’s so gone, and he’s not even ready to let James in yet. 

“Y’know, I didn’t aim for Sunday to be a date but looking back, I guess it was like one?” James says as he pulls away from the hug. 

“I’m glad we were both thinking the same thing; the entire time I was thinking that it felt like a date but I didn’t know if you felt the same way.” James smiles at him, warm and friendly as always. Aleks has to look away, knowing that if he looks at James’ smile for too long it’ll make him smile back. 

“Well anyway, I’ve been thinking since then… I think I want to take you on a legitimate date.” _He’s just being nice; don’t fall for it._

“Where this time?” _You stupid motherfucker._

“There’s this steakhouse over in Beverly that I’ve been to a couple of times; it’s really good, a bit pricey but it’s worth it.” A “bit pricey”?! Ok that’s it, Aleks _has_ to stop James in his tracks this instant before he goes and blows money on him. 

“Actually James, I’m…” he trails off before he can even begin to counter James. Words tend to fail Aleks a lot, especially at the worst moments like right now. James stares at Aleks as he struggles to figure out what to say that will let James down easy, while also letting him know that he can see through his illusion. 

“Maybe a fancy place _is_ too much for a first date, well ok I guess _second date_ ,” James seems to get lost in thought while figuring out another place for their date. Aleks wishes that the panic would stop bubbling inside of his chest, he’s so weak and pathetic that his immediate response to being cornered like this is to have a panic attack-

“You don’t have to keep playing nice with me,” the words tumble out of Aleks’ mouth, surprising even himself, “just because we’re soulmates or whatever doesn’t mean that you have to smother me in all of these compliments and dates.”

“What are you talking about, Aleks?” James sounds a bit angry when he asks the question and it brings Aleks’ panic that much closer to spilling out. 

“I said what I said; you don’t have to pretend to be interested in me.” Aleks can feel himself starting to shake and he acts on his first instinct, running into his bedroom and locking the door behind him. Collapsing against the door, hot tears roll down his face as the panic unleashes; distantly, he _thinks_ he can hear James yelling at him through the door, beating on it and asking Aleks to open it so they can talk. 

_He’s just playing nice. Remember, no one is ever going to pay attention to you like that, no one is ever going to love you._

_You’re a pathetic piece of shit, don’t even bother trying._

_You’d be showing James mercy if you shut away and run him off before things get too serious._

“Fuck off, you stupid bitch!” Aleks yells at Phoebe, deeply manifested in his head as his voice of doubt, “you left five years ago, why the fuck do you insist on still haunting me? Leave me alone already,” fully collapsing onto the floor he gets overcome with the anxiety and tears, quietly saying “fuck off, fuck off, fuck off,” like a mantra. 

At some point, he ends up falling asleep. 

~

James had heard the entire ordeal through the door. At first when Aleks yells “fuck off, you stupid bitch” he thinks it’s aimed at _him…_ and then Aleks continues speaking. As James sits outside of the door and listens to him muttering “fuck off” over and over between sobs until he goes quiet, he can feel his heart breaking. James had noticed that there seemed to be something making Aleks keep a safe distance from him, or rather a _past someone_ that was making Aleks scared to dip further into this relationship. James didn’t know who this mystery person was, but he did know _one thing_ : he absolutely hated them for what they had done to poor Aleksandr. 

It was going to be a bit of an uphill battle, but James knew that he was going to be the one to free Aleks from his past pain. It’s going to take a lot of love and patience, but he’s willing to undertake that task; after all, this is _his_ soulmate and he’ll be _damned_ if he lets him get away or quietly suffer. 

But first, he’ll have to get Aleks to speak on what happened in his past; from there, he can work toward getting through to him and showing him that everything he feels toward him is genuine. 

~

When Aleks awakens the next morning, his entire body is sore from having fallen asleep on the floor in such an awkward position. He still has a headache from having cried so much yesterday… and then he remembers James. Poor, sweet James; he had snapped at him and then ran off like a coward. While James hadn’t been run off by getting to know Aleks as a person, _that_ had to be the deal breaker for him. Aleks gets up and makes himself take a shower, feeling at least a little better, and after changing clothes as well he makes his way to the living room. 

That’s when he sees James asleep on his couch. 

_Why are you still here?_ Aleks thinks to himself as he contemplates waking him up or not. Deciding to let him sleep for a bit longer he leaves a bottle of water on the table near the couch for James, and then he walks outside to… well like James had said on that first evening, what _fresh air_ could you find in Los Angeles? Leaning on the bannister, Aleks tunes out of his surroundings to focus on the warm morning sun as it shines on him, in a way almost reminding him of the warmth that James could give him. The silent meditation helps him to find a small moment of peace after what had been a chaotic, shitty night and for just a bit, he forgets that James-

“Are you feeling better?” Oh right, James hadn’t left last night. Aleks can’t bring himself to look at him, still feeling a deep shame at how he had spoken to him. James walks over and joins Aleks in leaning on the bannister, neither man speaking for what seems like ages until James breaks the silence again. 

“I uh- I heard you through your door last night.”

_Shit._

“Yeah sorry, I had a bit of a panic attack.”

“Not just that, Aleks.” This was the _one_ thing that he had wanted to keep from James. But unfortunately, James had heard Aleks yelling at the voice of his evil ex-girlfriend in his head last night. 

“What’re you talking about?” He decides to play dumb. 

“Look, I don’t know what you went through before you met me, and I probably can’t help you with it but… I am here for you. We’re soulmates, and I do care about you,” James’ words drown out the shame in Aleks, quickly replacing it with a mix of various emotion that he cannot decipher, “whoever this person is that you were talking about, they must have been a real bastard to leave you so scared of opening yourself up to me.” James turns to Aleks, grabbing both of his hands and stroking his thumbs on the backs of them. The warmth spreads through him again, and Aleks closes his eyes not only to take it in but to conceal sudden tears that have formed. 

“Aleks, I promise that all of my intentions with you are genuine. I want to have a relationship with you, and I can feel that you want to have this as well, but something in your past is making you scared to dive into it. I’ll be patient with you as you work through these past scars, after all we have the rest of our lives together; but if I can help you in any way, please tell me and I’ll try my best to be there for you.”

Aleks finally decides to come clean to him. 

He tells James of Phoebe, of how she used him for so long, how he knew it was wrong but he couldn’t bring himself to leave because he thought it was his only chance of feeling something similar to love. He tells James of the verbal and emotional abuse she would throw at him on a nearly daily basis, sometimes even physical or worse if she were feeling especially malicious that day. Aleks even mentions Catalina, how he often thinks of her and wonders if Phoebe gives her the same treatment or if she managed to turn Catalina into another version of herself. 

James never speaks as Aleks vents to him, silently listening to him. 

By the time he makes it to the night that Phoebe finally left, he’s crying so hard that James can barely understand him as he speaks. Deciding that he’s heard enough James pulls Aleks to him and tightly wraps his arms around his waist, wanting to shield him from the wounds and pain of his past trauma. Aleks is so fucking happy to finally have all of this off of his chest, that James finally knows why he’s been so scared of this entire relationship; in a way, he almost feels… free. 

And just like that every wall he had built up comes tumbling down, James standing among the rubble of them.

“I’m so sorry, Aleksandr,” James finally murmurs into his ear. He refuses to pull away from Aleks until he quiets down and even then he only pulls back far enough to look at him, arms still loosely around his waist. 

“None of this has been your fault,” Aleks manages to choke out, “I’m sorry for being so weird and distant. You deserve better than-“

“Don’t start on that shit. You don’t owe me an apology of any kind, your past trauma wasn’t your fault. What Phoebe did to you was exclusively her fault and she’ll pay for it one day, assuming she hasn’t already. But if she ever tries to come back, you better tell me so I can come kick her ass,” Aleks cracks a small smile at the last part. 

“You seem too nice to hurt anyone, dude.”

“Oh, just wait until you see me get mad; you’ll be glad that it’s not aimed at you.” James pulls his arms back enough to rest his hands on Aleks’ hips, slowly running his hands up and down them. Then he’s slinging an arm back around Aleks and leading him back inside, walking into the bathroom, “wash your face off, then we can talk a bit more.” When James leaves the room Aleks does as he was asked, getting distracted by himself in the mirror when he dries his face off:

If Aleks ignores his cheeks and instead pretends that it’s only his eyes that are red, he could simply imagine that he had gotten high; yeah, that’s what had happened! He smiles at his little attempt at humor and then he realizes something: with the smile, he doesn’t look… too bad. He’s not about to call himself sexy or anything like that, but he’s also not as ugly as Phoebe had always made him out to be; maybe he should shave later, though. 

Aleks then remembers that James was waiting for him somewhere in the apartment, leaving the room to go search for him and finding him standing in the kitchen. When James notices him, his face lights up and he walks over to him, “you look like you already feel much better?”

“There’s something about coming forward about your past, shitty relationship to your new boyfriend that makes you feel lighter, come to find out,” James’ face lights up even more at being called Aleks’ new boyfriend and it makes him smile bigger too. 

Yeah, he’s gone for James. But at least now he feels safe to let him in.

~

Their second date is decided on being at the beach, going in the evening so that the sun is not as harsh… or at least James insists that they need to go in the evening so that Aleks does not get sunburned; Aleks tries to fight him but relents, realizing that James was probably right since he’s so pale. Arriving at the beach it takes the two a while to find a spot that’s close enough to the water without being near a bunch of people, but they finally settle down. Aleks can’t seem to keep his eyes off of James, wondering how he had always overlooked the fact that James had a bit of muscle built up and he can’t wait to feel those arms around him, feel that chest against his own bare chest-

“Wanna go in the water for a bit?” James is there to once again break Aleks from his thoughts, although this time had been for the best. Aleks doesn’t hesitate to stand up and run to the ocean, determined to beat James and having a mini celebration when he sees that he did manage to beat him. James is quick to fire back when he runs over and tackles him down, both men falling into the shallow water of the shoreline, and a wrestling match ensues between them. James may have found out a lot about Aleks over this past month, but he had missed one _little_ detail: Aleks is much, _much_ stronger than he looks and he’s not about to back down without a fight. Their match doesn’t get very far though, as a lifeguard soon yells for everyone to get out of the water due to a thunderstorm moving in. James and Aleks barely get back to their belongings before the rain starts falling, and the rest of the beach has fallen into chaos as everyone either runs for their cars or the nearest shelter. 

“Look this is bad and all, but I’m not ruining my car seats over water and sand,” Aleks says to James as they run toward the parking lot. 

“Oh, you prissy bitch,” James huffs at him but Aleks knows James: he could never be mad at him no matter how much of an asshole he can be. James finally settles for the second best option he can see for them to shelter, under the giant pier at the end of the beach. The rain is beating down at this point, the wooden structure of the pier leaking in some places as the men search for a place toward the middle that is dry and far away from other beach goers taking shelter. Finally finding a suitable place, they sit down against one of the wooden anchors and try to catch their breaths. Aleks takes the opportunity to steal a glance at James, and the sight feels ethereal to him:

James was still shirtless, his hair glued against his face and neck from the rain; as his mouth remained slightly open from attempting to even out his breathing, it almost looks as though…

“What’re you looking at so hard?” James turns to him with a smirk, “I know you wanna fuck me but maybe we should wait until we’re not so visible to other people, huh?” Aleks feels his face heat up quickly at that. 

“Why do you think i was looking to get sex from this? Maybe I just wanted to spend some time with you until Los Angeles decided that this was the _one_ day that it was going to rain.”

“So because it’s raining, we can no longer hang out? Fine then,” James stands up and begins to walk off, only making it a few steps before he turns and walks back with a giant grin plastered on his face, “I’m kidding, dude; still sucks that this had to be the day it rains though.” James continues talking but his voice is slowly drained out as Aleks admires him; there was something about him that made Aleks feel so warm, so safe. He’s his soulmate, yes, but even beyond that Aleks feels something from James that he had never once felt from another person: _loved._

Aleks seems to be on autopilot as he stands up and walks over to James, pulling him into a deep and passionate kiss, not caring about the various people scattered around them as he pulls James as close as he can manage. He only pulls away when he can feel his chest tighten up from the lack of breathing. Taking in a deep breath, Aleks finally says what he’s been thinking of James for what feels like an eternity now:

“This past month has been the happiest time of my entire life. After Phoebe I had sworn off pursuing a relationship of any kind beyond one night stands, but then the universe finally led me to you in that park one evening. When we figured out that we were soulmates I was terrified, mainly that you were gonna hate me; but you were quick to show me that you wanted me. Even when you saw all of the walls I had built up, you refused to back down until you broke through them.” Aleks picks up James’ left hand with his own, studying both of their soulmarks before placing a gentle kiss onto James’, “I’m so sorry if it’s too soon for this but… I love you, James. I love you so fucking much and I’m so glad the universe brought me to you. You patiently waited for me to overcome my past traumas and allow myself to be open to a relationship with you and I can’t thank you enough for it.”

James brings his free hand up to Aleks’ jaw and cups it, stroking his thumb along his cheek, “never too soon, Aleksandr. I’ve loved you from the second I developed my soulmark, even before I knew exactly who you were; because I knew that my soulmate was going to be a perfect, beautiful person.”

“I’m really…” Aleks starts to protest James’ statement but stops himself, instead breaking into a smile and kissing James again. 

Phoebe had been wrong, _so fucking wrong._ She spent years tearing Aleks down, convincing him that he had no soulmate. The entire time Aleks _had_ a soulmate, one that would never want to hurt him and most importantly, it was a soulmate that loved him as he was.

And if this was a crime, then lock him up and throw away the key; because he’s guilty of love in the first degree.


End file.
